The Bobblehead Diaries: Day 20

Well this journey is certainly not turning out the way I envisioned it.

The enthusiasm and anticipation of recovering myself and my life now wane under the influence of the demon drug. I am paralyzed by apathy and frustration. As a supreme and lifelong procrastinator this is particularly paradoxical.

I want my life to be fixed. NOW. Like in I Dream of Jeannie, I wish to fold my arms and blink and LIVE the life I know is waiting for me. Worst of all, right now I don’t want to put the effort into actually fixing it.

My Doctor was very supportive and has given me a new RX for 10 mg Paxil which will be easier to split into smaller doses. I’m staying with the pill form since switching to liquid in itself can cause difficulties after 20 odd years on pills. Yes 20 odd years. Odd. Yes they certainly were.

Currently I’ve been shaving some (not measuring) off my half-20 mg pills. So I’m still somewhere around 10 mg (hopefully less) and the bobblehead/whoosh feeling has left, now substituted for the usual Paxhell indifference.

I’d like to try 2.5 mg reductions. It will depend on the withdrawal symptoms of course. I am going to focus less on the calendar and will try and let my body be my guide.

Now that I see the finish line, this last lap is brutal. This won’t be easy, I really want to put the pedal to the metal and floor it to freedom. I caught a glimpse of who I can be without this chemical lobotomy and being stuck in what feels like a detox purgatory is tedious and exasperating.

Wish I could be more positive, but the insidious demon drug and its quicksand hold on me remain firm today.

I shall end with these parting words:

soulseeds

xoxoxoxoxoxx mwah…..MamaZ

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~ by mamazander on March 22, 2013.

One Response to “The Bobblehead Diaries: Day 20”

  1. good luck =)

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