I am lost

What do you do when you don’t know how to fix your life? Where do you turn? When you’ve been raised to only have value when your “useful”? What happens when you finally feel you’re used up and you’ve become “useless” and worse, a burden? Where do you turn to rediscover your worth? Where do you turn to rediscover inspiration, your strength and where, oh where, do you find courage? If all your life you feel you’ve been hiding a great truth that you are not all that everyone sees. You only wore a facade for safety and invisibility. When someone you love with more soul and passion than you believed capable, and with a love as deep as you feel for your children wants in, or you risk losing them, how do you open that door not only to them, but more importantly to yourself? Today I don’t have the answers. Today I am afraid. Today I cannot help anyone else. Today I desperately need to, yet cannot, help myself. Today I cannot fix what is broken. For I am broken, shattered and lost.

Yet, today I choose to accept this day with grace and gratitude for the gift that it is, even though pain is my teacher. May she be gentler and kinder to me, than I have ever been to myself.  Namaste

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~ by mamazander on January 14, 2013.

3 Responses to “I am lost”

  1. Hi there,
    you asked where to turn to? Inward is my answer. Turn to your heart! Get in touch with your heart! Start a journey towards your heart! Start a dialogue with your heart! Your heart is full of wisdom and has the answers!
    It may need some training, eventually you have to ask several times, try different questions, but if you want to and would like to hear and listen, then ask your heart!
    Enjoy and be thankful for the answers!
    🙂

    • Thank you for the wonderful advice. It helped tremendously. I’m beginning to truly understand that all the answers I’ll ever need lay dormant inside myself. I’ve just been asking the wrong people and looking in the wrong places. It’s not easy to turn off the mind/ego chatter, but with practice I’ll get on the right path. Thank you again. Big Hugs

  2. You’re welcome! I don’t think that you asked the wrong people, cause there was a reason why you asked them at that specific moment. Your choice and therefore the best choice for you at the time! 😉 Now is a different chapter and you choose a different approach. I just want to say there is no right or wrong, each decision or step you take is a part of your road, sometimes smooth and other times a bit bumpy. And that’s the way we learn and are able to move forward… sometimes with less luggage, sometimes in a different direction. Maybe you can look at it like cooking or baking and in case you don’t have all ingredients at home you would ask a neighbour or a friend if they can help. Maybe you’ll take the eggs or that exotic spice from them, maybe not… perhaps you’ll eat a cake with a totally new taste and you might even like it 🙂
    To my opinion asking other people can bring a new perspective and fresh input, but you are the cook so it’s up to you if you’ll add curry to that icecream… and before preparing this mixture, you better ask your heart “what do you need now?” and depending on the answer, you can decide if that is possible now or in case not, ask differently or make another offer.
    And regarding the “mind-ego-chatter” hmm, they don’t work like a light “switch-on-off” and when you want to turn them off, they generally get even louder. To my experience it helps when you tell them “ok, I heard you. For the moment I have a chat with my heart, I’ll get back to you later.” And when you’ve finished your heart-chat, you’ll check with your “mind-ego” if there is still an issue. Each part is valuable and deserves your attention.
    Enjoy the talk-talk-talk and the discovery of your heart’s wishes and needs!
    hug & 🙂

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